Anyway, I'm fed up. Fed up with being ignored, made to feel inferior, questioning whether my work abilities are being doubted because I'm a woman, or because said person is just an idiot. I would like to give this person the benefit of doubt that it isn't a sexist thing because, really, in this day and age we really should be beyond that. Still, it makes me question the way I'm being treated and the reasoning behind it, and it doesn't feel good on the soul.
I have been at my current job for just over 3 years, yet this last year has made me consider pulling up camp and looking for another job. Yes, in this economy I'm entertaining the thought of leaving a secure, well-paying job WITH BENEFITS in hopes of finding something that I'm not entirely miserable doing. Crazy? Probably. Unhappy? Definitely.
This person, and I'm not going to use names because this is a public blog and I NEED my job, has made me dread coming to work daily. There are some days that I feel physically ill at the thought of returning to my loud, thankless, privacy-lacking, cubicle occupying job. Days when I find myself wishing I'd be sideswiped on the freeway on my way to work, or that I will miraculously come down with the Swine Flu, just so I could call in with a legitimate reason for not being there. In short, I'm miserable. Don't get me wrong, I like the job part of my job, the part where I'm actually doing something productive and the part where what I do is appreciated. I hate that my skills and abilities aren't being utilized, or even appreciated. I'm constantly overlooked for projects and work groups, when I'm one of the people who should be most included. I also don't like all the other crap that comes along with the job, like dealing with a certain person and their attitude. Now, I know not everyone likes their job, and most people feel shorted in one way or another, but I'm telling you, I've reached my limit.
This person that's having this effect on my is not on my level at work, meaning they're a "higher up". Woo-freaking-hoo. What that means to me, and apparently to this person, is:
- They can pass down their work to their little minions (me), and then turn around and take credit for it once it's completed. It's not even the whole department that gets to claim the work that was well done, it's the person, and it pisses me off.
- It also means that they can choose to ignore me whenever they want, apparently. There have been several, and by several I mean at least 20 times that I've counted, where I've been blatantly ignored by this person. Whether I'm asking questions, responding to questions they've asked, or even correspondance via email, I'm ignored. Disregarded. Made to feel unimportant.
- I've repeatedly asked to be included in more, to no avail. It's as if this person doesn't want me involved in anything, so I'll look like I'm not working as hard as I could.
So why am I being treated this way? Why does this person not see the value they have in me as an employee and actually do something to keep me? It's bad enough that there weren't any raises this year for the entire staff, but I can guarantee there isn't anyone else who is being treated this way. I've heard the "They're threatened by you"s and the "Just bide your time, it'll get better"s, and I am, frankly, over hearing them. What I need now is a change to be made, or a new job that will make me happy again.
At the rate things are going, I'm dusting off the old resume and I'll begin putting myself out there. I'm worth more than this.
I deserve better.
And I'll get it.