It's Always Darkest Before the... Dark?

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I've been having such a hard time this year with daylight savings time.

It all started off fine and dandy, we got an extra hour of sleep, everyone felt more rested, it was light in the morning when we left for work. But now? Now it's darkness practically all day, every day.

Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic. But it's dark all the freaking time!

During the week I leave home by 7am... in the dark. I leave work around 4:30pm... in the dark. I feel deprived of daylight! I get to see my husband's handsome face in natural light on weekends only, when we try to cram every possible thing we need daylight to do into the, oh, 8 hours a day that we maybe get.

So what's a girl to do? Lately, I've just been tired. My body clock is out of whack and it's making me tired at odd times of the day, particularly when I get home and change out of my work clothes into something cozy and warm. Perhaps that's the problem, that I'm making myself too comfy? All I know is that I need to snap out of it, and soon! This girly is starting to feel like a vampire, living in the dark!

Hmm... if darkness is my only option, do you think I could get sparkly skin?

Image

On second thought, just give me the sun!

Happy Birthday, Hubster!

Today my main squeeze turns 31!

Happy Birthday, baby!

The Best Things In Life... Aren't Things

I recently bought some wall art with that saying, and it ended up in my shopping cart to come home with me because it truly is how we live our lives for the most part. We don't have many things. Sure, we own our home, have a newer TV, nice clothes and food in our cupboards, but when it comes to things of value, they are few and far between.

We own both of our cars outright, and they both have seen better days. We have been using the same hand-me-down loveseat as our couch since we moved in.  Going out to an expensive dinner for us is dropping $40. Splurging on a date night is going to the regualr movie theatre, and not the $3 one. We have never been the type of couple that are constantly "keeping up with the Joneses", and we are happy knowing that it doesn't take money or items to make us who we are.

So, I bought the wall art to put up on our wedding pictures wall, where it looks perfect. Not too long after I had put it up The Hubster and I found ourselves referencing it several times in a conversation that would continue into the evening and onto the next day, a conversation sparked by someone who would look at that saying and probably laugh. Laugh because things are important to them, to the detriment of their family and lifestyle.

This is someone that we've come to realize we don't know very well at all, so when we sat back and looked at the situation we were able to see it for what it is. We asked ourselves why someone would be drawn to having things over a happy life, things over stability, things over a savings.

Things over friendships.

We came to this conclusion... We can never begin to understand what makes others do the things we do, we can only be responsible for ourselves. All we want to do is live life simply to simply enjoy life.

Who cares if we don't have the best cars, or the nicest of everything. Who cares that I buy store brand items when it really makes no difference, or that I rarely pay full price for anything. Who CARES if others think down on us because of our choices. They're our choices and we no longer care about what other people think of us or the decisions we make. We are who we are, and if you make a decision based on thinking we are cheap, selfish, penny-pinching, or whatever, well then, I feel sorry for you. Sorry you don't get to know who we really are, sorry that you are so quick to judge, and sorry that there is something so wrong in your own life that makes you feel as if you can sit in judgement on others.

And this is where the apoligies end.

THIS is who we are. Unabashedly, unapologetically, irrevocably us. Penny-pinching, sale shopping, life loving, and respectful... This is who we are. We live simply...

so that we can simply enjoy life.

Fed Up

The title of this post says it all. Well, it almost says it all. What it should really be saying is "Fed Up With Bullshit Drama by People Who Make Others Feel Invisible to Feed Their Own Egos". But, you can see why I didn't go with that title... it doesn't really roll off the tongue easily.

Anyway, I'm fed up. Fed up with being ignored, made to feel inferior, questioning whether my work abilities are being doubted because I'm a woman, or because said person is just an idiot.  I would like to give this person the benefit of doubt that it isn't a sexist thing because, really, in this day and age we really should be beyond that. Still, it makes me question the way I'm being treated and the reasoning behind it, and it doesn't feel good on the soul.

I have been at my current job for just over 3 years, yet this last year has made me consider pulling up camp and looking for another job. Yes, in this economy I'm entertaining the thought of leaving a secure, well-paying job WITH BENEFITS in hopes of finding something that I'm not entirely miserable doing. Crazy? Probably. Unhappy? Definitely.

This person, and I'm not going to use names because this is a public blog and I NEED my job, has made me dread coming to work daily. There are some days that I feel physically ill at the thought of returning to my loud, thankless, privacy-lacking, cubicle occupying job. Days when I find myself wishing I'd be sideswiped on the freeway on my way to work, or that I will miraculously come down with the Swine Flu, just so I could call in with a legitimate reason for not being there. In short, I'm miserable. Don't get me wrong, I like the job part of my job, the part where I'm actually doing something productive and the part where what I do is appreciated.  I hate that my skills and abilities aren't being utilized, or even appreciated. I'm constantly overlooked for projects and work groups, when I'm one of the people who should be most included. I also don't like all the other crap that comes along with the job, like dealing with a certain person and their attitude.  Now, I know not everyone likes their job, and most people feel shorted in one way or another, but I'm telling you, I've reached my limit.

This person that's having this effect on my is not on my level at work, meaning they're a "higher up". Woo-freaking-hoo. What that means to me, and apparently to this person, is:

• They can pass down their work to their little minions (me), and then turn around and take credit for it once it's completed. It's not even the whole department that gets to claim the work that was well done, it's the person, and it pisses me off.
• It also means that they can choose to ignore me whenever they want, apparently. There have been several, and by several I mean at least 20 times that I've counted, where I've been blatantly ignored by this person. Whether I'm asking questions, responding to questions they've asked, or even correspondance via email, I'm ignored. Disregarded. Made to feel unimportant.
• I've repeatedly asked to be included in more, to no avail. It's as if this person doesn't want me involved in anything, so I'll look like I'm not working as hard as I could.

I'm good at my job. I genuinely like what I do. I get great feedback from our "clients" and have a good work ethic. I complete tasks promptly, often surprising the person who assigned the task. It's just how I am. I don't do anything half assed, and I pride myself in that. I work HARD.

So why am I being treated this way? Why does this person not see the value they have in me as an employee and actually do something to keep me? It's bad enough that there weren't any raises this year for the entire staff, but I can guarantee there isn't anyone else who is being treated this way. I've heard the "They're threatened by you"s and the "Just bide your time, it'll get better"s, and I am, frankly, over hearing them. What I need now is a change to be made, or a new job that will make me happy again.

At the rate things are going, I'm dusting off the old resume and I'll begin putting myself out there. I'm worth more than this.

I deserve better.

And I'll get it.

Dynamite Comes in a Small Package

Unbeknownst to me, I've been lying to you. And myself.

Let me explain...

Yesterday I went to meet my new primary care doctor. Since my employer switched insurance carriers the only time I've been to the doctor is by going to urgent care so I figured it was time I establish a healthcare provider. I met this lovely woman who fits the bill perfectly, but prior to meeting her I got to do all the fun weighing in crap with her nurse, who is hilarious by the way.

I was almost in the room when she says "Wait a second, let's get your height!"

Ugh. Okay. So I pop off about how I can tell her my height, joking about how close to being 5' I am, all 4' 11.5" of me. Still, I slip off my shoes (why did I do that?!) and stand under the ruler.

"58.5 inches", she says.

Okay, math is not my forte but even I know that 60" is 5'. After doing the math I realize...

I'm a whole inch shorter than I thought I was.

4' 10.5".

I looked at her and said "Way to burst a short girl's bubble!" she giggled a little, but then stopped no knowing if I was joking or not.

I sorta wasn't, but sorta was. I mean, I'm short (duh), I get it. But, man! Just one measly inch was all I was asking for. Is that so hard?!

Oh well, gonna stick with my mantra...

My Best Friend's Husband

Nearly four years ago my bestest friend in the whole wide world married the love of her life. I don't think I've introduced them on here before so interwebs, meet Drea (pictured with me):

And... here's Josh:

Josh is one of the funniest people I know, and that's saying a lot. He makes friends with everyone, is consistently goofy, and an all around great guy to have as a friend. Josh is willing to be funny at any cost, even if it could potentially be humiliating, just to get the laughs. Not much is off limits with this guy.

Recently, I was going through some pictures that are on my camera, and I came across some gems that are definitely blog worthy. What makes them blog worthy? They're undeniable evidence of Josh being Josh.

In our back yard we have this brick BBQ pit that, when you stand back a little bit, kind of looks like a toilet.

See it there on the left? Told you.

So, this past summer we were having a BBQ, and after a few beers we were able to convince Josh to take the following series of photos. While the pictures speak for themselves, I'll add comentary because, well, I can.

Getting ready for his photo shoot. Kellen wanted to be a part of it too :)

Notice the roll of "toilet paper" on the back of the "tank"?

What are you doing, Josh?!?!

You mean it's not real?!?!

My bestie sure lucked out when she found someone who is not only caring, compassionate and talented, but hilariously amusing as well! Here's to wishing them many MANY years of wedded bliss and laughter.

I love you guys!

Playing Grownup

One of the perks (and perhaps downfalls, depending on who you ask) of owning a home is that you get to put some (a LOT of) work into the home and make it yours. All the final touches, tiny and delicate details and, good Lord, all that planning, come together in the end to present you with the final gift of your efforts. This gorgeous room/wall/flowerbed is something YOU made happen. It was your brain child from start to finish and evey time you see that project of yours, complete and brand spanking new, a new sense of accomplishment takes you over and spurs you on toward the next big project in life.

We have so many projects on our We Want Everything For Our New Home Wishlist (WWEFONHW), it's not even funny. Some larger than others, some MUCH more expensive than others, and others much more urgent than the rest. Obviously, urgency is first and foremost with items on our list. We can't have a leaky/drafty/unpainted house, now can we?

Currently our WWEFONHW is on a white board in our kitchen where we can keep a running tab on the things we want to do/buy for our home. The list is LONG. Some of the jobs are easy and inexpensive, like "Weed the flower beds" (which, as it turns out, IS inexpensive but NOT easy). Others are HUGE and expensive tasks, and we have "Re-do the driveway" and "Complete kitchen remodel" among the larger tasks at the top of our list.

Something I've been meaning to get to for a while is our bathroom. We decided not to paint the bathroom before we moved in because it wasn't incredibly urgent and I was still unsure what I wanted to do with it. Well, after being in the home for 9 months (!!!) I've figured it out...

YELLOW and GRAY!

Hot colors right now, yes? And I find myself drawn to yellow and gray at every turn. Yellow tart pan? Yes please! Yellow and gray skirt from Old Navy? Adorbs! Everywhere I turn I see that color combination and I openly swoon and coo at the item, willing it to be my own.


So, the big ticket item for my bathroom? A yellow and gray shower curtain. No problem! I figured, with those two colors being the color combination of the season, I would have no problem at all finding a shower curtain that was exactly what I wanted. That is, until I began looking.


I started by looking in stores around the Portland area... Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, Walmart, Fred Meyer and... nothing. Sure, I could find plain yellow or plain gray, but... meh. I wanted something more. Then I began looking online. When search after search turned up not a damn thing that I liked, I decided to channel my inner Martha Stewart and get all crafty-like.


With ideas overflowing I head to the fabric store and OH my LORD the CHOICES! After circling the store, picking up fabric to compare it to another, setting it down, searching some more, choosing said fabric, and waiting in line for 30 minutes to have the fabric cut, I was ready to go! I picked up a few more things that I needed and headed home, anxious to begin my new project.


Here's what everything looked like when I got home and got ready to work:

Notice, perhaps, that there is no sewing machine in this picture? Yeah, I don't own one even though it's been on my Christmas and birthday lists for a couple of years now, and even if I did own one, I would have no clue in how to use it.

This post is getting REALLY long, so stay tuned to see what I used in lieu of a sewing machine, and to see the finished product!

I'm a lucky girl

I was just reading a thread on Dooce's community forum where the question was asked:

Do you ever think that your SO (significan other) does certain chores "all wrong" so he/she doesn't get asked to do them? Do you ever do this?

Hoo boy, some of the responses on that particular subject are funny! For the most part, each person has detailed a scenario in their respective households where either their SO is God's Gift to Women because he's so perfect and does everything right, or he's lazy and does it all. wrong. On purpose.

That got me to thinking. I have a husband who doesn't do things badly to get out of doing them, but sometimes he does things in a way that I don't like. Not wrong, or bad, just... different. In particular, folding clean laundry. But that's my issue, not his, right? Being the good wifey poo that I am, I have told him that from now on I will fold the laundry if he washes it. Pretty sweet deal on his part, yeah? I thought so. He gets the easy part of it all while I get to come home to cold, wrinkled laundry heaped up on our bed and attempt to wrangle it all into an illusionary state of organizationalness. In my desire to not "complain" about what he doesn't do my way, I've come up with a solution that still leaves me holding the short end of the stick with unmatched white socks lying all over the place, and who can fold laundry whilst holding onto a SHORT STICK? I digress...

The point of this entry was not to complain about the wrinkled laundry, though. It was actually to give The Hubster a good, old fashioned pat on the back. Because what he lacks in the laundry folding department? He TOTALLY makes up for in the bathroom cleaning and dog-poop-pick-up departments.

Did you hear me, interwebs?! My husband cleans the entire bathroom AND picks up the droppings from our pups. How did this come to be? Well, cozy right on up with your notepad and pencil (in case you need to take notes the old fashioned way) and I'll tell you!

Back when The Hubster and I first started living together, before he was The Hubster, I set some ground rules. Okay, ground RULE.

I told The Hubster that he had two options. He could either sit down and pee, or he could clean the bathroom EVERY. TIME. it needed cleaning. Now, I'm not trying to emasculate him and make him sit. I'm perfectly happy for him if he feels more like a man by standing. The logic here is that I sit down to pee and I don't miss, therefore I don't make a mess. But boys? No way. Even if they are aiming, stuff still splashes and it's not my stuff splashing out, so it's only fair that he clean up his own mess. Surprisingly, Hubster didn't argue my point and has been cleaning the bathroom weekly for over 2 years now! I have occasionally done it myself, but it's rare and I avoid it at all costs. There is nothing sexier than a clean bathroom!

Well, nothing sexier than The Hubster in his boxers, scrubbing the toilet with his yellow rubber gloves on. (If he ever finds out that I wrote that, he'd kill me!)

Also, it should be noted, he has only once left the toilet seat up in all our time together. I almost fell in, reamed him for it and, after he got a good laugh out of it, hasn't done it since. I love this man.

BUT! Onto the dog poo. Oh Sweet Lord, the dog poo. We have 2 pooches, for those of you who don't know. Chubbs is a big guy, about 80 lbs, and Chloe is a wittle baby, all of 7.5 lbs. Needless to say, it's pretty easy to spot where the big guy likes to, ahem, do his business. Chloe, not so much. It makes the job even harder for him because he has to hunt for it! So once a week or so The Hubster heads outside with his pockets stuffed full of plastic grocery bags, ready to tackle the turds head on. After about a half an hour, I get a call from outside to come and look, and I know what's there waiting for me.

A grinning hubster with a bag full of poo, holding it up proudly. And every time, he exclaims:

"That's a lot of shit!"

Yes, honey. Yes it is.

If Mediocrity Were Acceptable...

Then I, too, might just be accepted in the world of fitness and health.

The past week started out great. I was setting goals and meeting them, I was energized, making healthy choices, and drinking WATER of all things. I know, right? Then, Wednesday came around and not only did I shred it, I also went to Evie's dance class at Vega, so I had an extra hour of cardio that day too. So, what gives? What could possibly derail my progress and determination? What would squelch my desire to be healthy, attractive, and thin?

One word. Weekend.

Weekends, oh how I love thee! I love your steadfast rule of "NO ALARM CLOCK!", and the ability to sleep in with my cuddly Hubster and pooches. I love waking up without having to GET up, and just lie in bed for hours watching mindless television.

I also love the fact that I can accomplish so much in your presence, dear Weekend. Laundry is washed, dried, and folded lovingly (and sometimes, grudgingly). Dog hair is swept up and deposited in the nearest trash can only to re-accumulate on the floor because Chubbs loses it faster than we can sweep it up. Dishes are done, meals are planned out, old leftovers are tossed to make room for the new, and Chloe gets a bath. In our tiny little house, for that particular moment in time, all is right with the world.

But why oh WHY can't I get it together with my workouts on the weekends?! I know, it was my first weekend on The Shred, but still! This is the time when I should be lowering my head and charging full speed at this challenge, and where do I find myself? Let me re-cap for you:

Friday - The Hubster and I both work days that day, so I pick him up after work and we head home. Once home, I don't want to do a damn thing, so I don't. No Shred, no dance, nada. We hang out together, cuddle on the couch, maybe even make out a little **blushes** (don't judge me, interwebs! Married people still make out. Right?), and then head to Portland to meet up with a friend real quick like. But then, BUT THEN! What happens?! We're hungry. Must have been all that making out... But either way, tummy's are a grumbling and we need to quiet them. What do we use to stiffle the groans and moans of empty stomachs? Why, none else than McDonald's! I know. I KNOW. Two cheeseburgers, a medium fry, and a large diet coke later and I'm ready to take it all back. Rewind time so I don't go through the drive thru at a fast food restaurant, ready to make a better decision. After eating an incredibly clean and healthy diet the entire week before, good ol' Micky D's was doing a number on my body and making me feel like the grease I just ate. The rest of the night consisted of us sitting on the couch in a nasty food hangover, with The Hubster burping loudly. Ugh.

Saturday - Sad to admit, I didn't Shred on Saturday either. How lame am I?! Aside from not doing The Shred, Saturday wasn't such a bad day actually! Slept in a little, got up and made a healthy breakfast sandwich (whole wheat english muffin, egg, and fat free cheese), cleaned up the house a little, and then went to Push Jones rehearsal where we worked our little tooshies off for two hours, revisiting and re-learning choreography. So, I don't feel as bad for missing The Shred on Saturday since I did SOMEthing. But. Dinner. We decided to make some homemade pizza and I had all the ingredients to make a healthy, whole wheat pizza dough. One problem, though... The yeast I had was old, I guess, so I ran out of time to make our own dough. To the store I go for a couple of the B.oboli pizza crusts. We made a pepperoni pizza with pineapple and tomatoes (and banana peppers for The Hubster), and a garlic chicken pizza with artichoke hearts. Yum-o! It all tasted great, but I didn't even bother to count the calories or fat grams. Too. Much. Effort.

Sunday - Lazy day. Cleaned, did laundry, fought with The Hubster (Sunday tradition, I guess?), snuggled with the dogs, and made an easy dinner of scrambled eggs and wheat toast. Not so bad for the day, but the weekend as a whole was pretty much a loss.

I'm not going to beat myself up too much about it. I'm human, I get lazy, I get tired, and I get burned out. I didn't remain sedentary for the whole weekend, but did have more down time than I wanted. Let's call it a learning experience. The plus side to all of this is that I still wanna keep going! Back on The Shred today, eating healthy is not an option, it's a MUST.

GOOD NEWS!!! Even though I wasn't the best shredder I could be, I still lost weight! I'm down 3 lbs as of this morning, for a total weight of 135. The Hubster is noticing a change in my body, too, commenting on my legs and how they're looking more like "dancer legs". I love that man for so many reasons, but mostly right now for complimenting me on the one part of my body that I despise the most.

I met my goals of drinking 48 oz. of water a day and stretching. Drinking only water at lunch has proven more difficult, though. I've been drinking diet coke AND water. Hopefully I'll be able to wean out the diet coke all together at lunch, but I'm okay with how I'm doing so far. Some water is better than no water!

New goals:

• Shred at least 5 days a week. Everyone needs a break, so I'm not going to kick myself for taking one. I will, however, kick myself if I continue to have weeks like the previous one.
• Still drink a minimum of 48 oz. of water a day.
• Stretch after every workout.
• EAT RIGHT!

Anyone else doing The Shred? Tell me how it's going for you!

And All I See Are Tail Lights

You know that saying, "I feel like I've been hit by a MAC truck"?

This morning I feel like that truck hit me, slammed into reverse and hit me again, and then ran me over again just for good measure. And off it sits there, in the distance, evil red tail lights grinning at me, daring me to move.

I completed my Day 2 workout yesterday. It started off great, although the moves were a little tougher than they were the previous day because my muscles are already sore. But, I pushed through the workout, did all my reps, and felt fabulous at the end. Sweaty, but fabulous. I had energy abounding, which NEVER happens to me after a long day of work and commuting, and I felt happy, too. I guess exercising really does help release those feel good endorphins, eh? So, while still on the high from my workout, I cook a dinner of grilled turkey burgers (no bun), steamed broccoli, and cottage cheese. AND a slice of wheat toast, just because I have to have some carbs, but just one slice, not two like I would have liked.

Then it's off to Target to grab some mineral makeup and some stuff for The Hubster. This trip also included an impulsive purchase of some cute undies, but I'm not going to even let myself feel bad about spending the money because 1.) They're underwear, and everyone needs 'em, 2.) They were actually super cheap, and 3.) I was feeling good! Who doesn't like to buy new underwear when they're feeling good about themselves?

I get home and realize that I'm probably fading fast, so into a nice, hot shower I go and MAN did that feel good! My muscles welcomed the pounding water, massaging my knotted shoulders and aching back into submission. After slipping on my warm, cozy jammies, I crawled into bed and succumbed to sleep.

Which brings me to this morning.

OUCH!

Now, I'm all about working through the soreness, and I know that the tight muscles and an achy body are all indications that I worked hard, but I was not prepared for the extent of my pain. Don't I sound all whiny and stuff? Blech, okay, enough whining. BUT, I am trying to accurately describe what I'm dealing with each day as I complete this workout, so I guess if it's turning into a little whining, that's okay. Those of you who think otherwise can suck it :)

The good news is that the more I move, the better I feel. Slow movements and light stretching helped immensely this morning, and I'm going to try to implement stretching to my morning routine. It's good for my tight muscles, and it feels great to release all that lactic acid that had built up in my muscles overnight.

So, the official word? Day 2 is tougher than Day 1, but not as tough as I'm sure Day 3 will be :)

Also, I've decided I'm going to set daily goals for myself to go along with my workout. Today's goals are:

• Drink 48 oz. of water before dinner. (If you know me, you know how challenging this is.)
• Drink ONLY water with lunch.
• Start a stretching regimen for either the evenings post-work out, or in the mornings.

Think I can do it?

Shreddy McShrederson

It's official. I'm unhappy with the current shape of my body. Blame it on the holidays, or birthdays, or a full moon, whatever. What is obvious to me is the full moon that shows itself when I bend over and, dude, it's gotta go.

I had been doing the P90X workout for a little while, although I wasn't doing it every day. Still, I saw results. Abs were starting to be more defined, pants were hanging loose, thighs getting a little smaller. Then we bought a house, and we moved, and we had to fix up said house. Needless to say, my workouts fell by the wayside and now my busy days no longer allow me the time needed to properly use P90X, even sporadically. So what have I been doing? Not a damn thing.

Until now.

I'm sure we're all familiar with who Jillian Michaels is, but if you're not, do a quick google search of her and you'll find out more than you probably wanted to know. The gist of it is, she's one of the most accomplished trainers for The Biggest Loser, and anyone who works with her and does what she says sees results. I'm ALL about results, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

I began by ordering her DVD, "The 30 Day Shred" on Amazon. Along with it, I also ordered one of her books, "Making The Cut". I ordered both before Christmas so I could read the book and figure out what I needed to do so I could begin after the first of the year. The book helped me to figure out how my body oxidizes food, and what foods are best for different oxidizers, based on how I answered a slew of multiple choice questions about food and how my body reacts to what I eat. I had never given much thought before to how my body reacts to what I eat, so reading the book really gave me a nudge to start listening to my body.

Is anyone else's body telling them to gorge on chocolate, and then wash it all down with an icy, cold, fountain diet coke? Just me?

I know, I know. Jillian would probably tell me that it is the diet coke that makes me want the chocolate that makes me want the diet coke. Vicious cycle, but such is the life of addiction. I'll admit it, I'm addicted to diet coke! I digress...

The workout is set up so that you'll progress over the 30 day cycle. You begin with workout Phase 1 and Jillian strongly encourages users to begin there and not skip a level. After the first ten days or so you move up to Phase 2, and then after ten more days, you're finally at Phase 3. Each workout takes about 20 minutes and flies by before you know it.

So, I started the workouts yesterday, January 4th, 2010. Exactly one day after my 30th birthday. The 30 Day Shred when I turn 30! How perfect is that? Here I am at my starting weight of 138:

Day 1 was tough, only because it's been a while since I've actually worked out beyond taking a dance class. It was thorough, challenging, and tiring. There is no downtime in this workout, no time to take even a sip of water, though it moves so quickly you don't really need it until the end. I completed the workout, rolled up my mat, put away my hand weights, and started cutting up veggies for the evening's dinner. I felt great and energized throughout the evening. Until I sat down for a bit. Standing back up proved to be difficult and my thigh muscles screamed at me any time I had to use them.

Today, the day after workout 1, I'm feeling the workout in more than just my legs. My arms and shoulders are sore, but in a good, make you feel strong, kind of way. My hip flexors are tight, so with each step I take in my high heels today I feel the muscles working and healing. What a wonderful feeling! I'm excited to see what changes this workout will bring, both physically and mentally. Hopefully I'll feel the same way in the upcoming days.

Here's to being healthy in 2010!

Life's Little Irritants

It's the little things that get me all riled up.

When I was growing up my parents were always on my brother and I about being polite and having good manners. We learned to chew our food quietly, and never talk with our mouths full. When we visited other peoples houses we were read the riot act in the car, where innocent bystanders were brought into the mix. Rainbow Brite would be sleeping alone in the garage, WITH NO LIGHTS, if I didn't behave. The thought of banishing my precious doll (who had done nothing wrong, by the way) to the dark, damp, forgotten corners of the garage was nearly enough to make me swear off my My Little Pony sheets. SERIOUSLY. We knew that going ANYwhere, regardless of whether our parents were with us or not, meant we had to be on our best behavior. OR ELSE.

Now, my parents weren't monsters who enjoyed watching us cling to our beloved toys for fun. In fact we rarely had actual punishments, as the threats of them were scary enough. Our house was one full of love and music and books and baked goodies. One where crafts were created, and artwork hung on the fridge like a collage of Picasso's earlier work. Suffice to say we had a normal childhood, but our parents made us keenly aware of our behaviors and, thus, extremely aware of the behavior of OTHERS.

Now, as an adult (I'm an adult, right?), I am keenly aware of other people's behavior, much to my dismay. There are things I wish I could ignore, things I'd love nothing more than to turn a blind eye or deaf ear to. Things that I'm sure only bug me, and sometimes I swear I'm the only one to notice them. Mom and Dad's constant desire for us to be respectable, well-mannered, thoughtful human beings has turned me into a respectable, well-mannered, thoughtful, NEUROTIC human being, who has a major list of irritants. Ones that I typically find residing in others. What are those irritants, you ask?

1. Chewing with your mouth open. I can't stand it, which is why it's my number one pet peeve. Hearing someone crunch and salivate and slurp and make guttural eating noises is so obnoxious to me! In fact, if you're around me and are eating like a cow chewing it's cud, I will shoot you dirty looks subconsciously. Yes, I'm aware that it's passive aggressive to do this, but I can't help it. Blame it on my parents who also taught me that you don't have to say EVERYTHING that comes to your mind. Unfortunately, my eyes don't lie EVER and I can't hide my irritation at your noisy noshing. Please resist the urge to slap that look off of my face, and maybe instead focus on chewing with your mouth closed.

2. Clipping your fingernails. Okay, so this isn't an ALL the time irritant for me, but it is when it's not in the privacy of your own home, where ALL PERSONAL GROOMING should take place. Sure, it's one thing if you broke a nail and need to trim it quickly, but to cut every. single. nail. while you're at work? Weekly? Gross! What's next, are you gonna yank your sock off so you can get to the toenails next time? Having worked for 6 years as a licensed nail technician I'm used to the sound. Just not at an office job! It's hard to concentrate or talk on the phone when all you hear is clip! clip! clip! for 15 straight minutes. Plus, if you knew how dirty your nails are, you might think twice about subjecting innocent bystanders to your bodily waste. Make them perfect at home, people.

3. One-uppers. You know what I'm talking about. Or, rather, who. Those people who, no matter what you're talking about, have done the same exact thing only BIGGER! And it took them longer! And it hurt WAY more! And now it's all about them. I guess I could be that polite person my parents raised me to be and realize that maybe this person needs the constant attention, but somewhere in me a fire starts burning and before I know it I'm irritated with that person. Not just the behavior, but the actual being, and it takes me a while to shake it. It's not that I don't want to hear people's similar experiences to what mine are, because I love comparing stories and seeing things from other people's perspectives. It's when they forget that I'm a part of the conversation that I begin to lose it.

4. Talking during a movie/TV show/the news. Does this really need further explanation? I find nothing more frustrating than having someone talk over what I'm watching, and then ask me "What'd they say?" If you'd shut up long enough, you would have heard it! But neither of us did because you had to tell me that your left sock was on inside out. And before you ask, NO, we don't have a DVR, so we don't get to rewind a TV show to see what they said. Unfortunately, some of us just aren't so lucky. Kind of makes me wonder what people did before DVR or TiVo were created... Have we become inconsiderate as technology has grown? Hmm...

5. Unnecessary Anger. I've known people who are angry at everything. The sun, the rain, their job, their spouse, their child, their life. And then they yell. Or get mad at stupid little nothings. Or overreact. I just wish that people would find the positive things and focus on those, instead of finding something that they are unhappy with daily. That constant disappointment must be a heavy load to shoulder.

That's it for now. I had to get those out, because I come across the majority of those things on a daily basis. I couldn't continue to keep it all inside my head because I was getting angry. Angry with the loud chewers, nail clippers, one-uppers, over-talkers, and the pissed off bunch. Being able to write it all out on here helps me to put things into perspective, as well as to let go of other things that I really don't need to hold onto anymore.

So there Internets, I'm shedding that anger cloak and walking away a much happier person.

Happy Friday, all!

Is There A Snooze Button On This Thing?

On my biological clock, that is.

Ever since The Hubster and I have been married we've had to tolerate people (mainly my mother) asking us The Big Question.

"When are you going to have a baby?"

Our response will change from time to time depending on our moods, or how many times we've been asked that question in the past week. At one point I actually started counting the number of times I was asked in a week, and lost interest (read: became annoyed) when Wednesday came and the number was well over ten.

The Hubster and I didn't get married just so we could have children, and I think what bothers us the most is that we haven't been married that long. Just over a year, actually. We were being asked, nay grilled, about when we'd be adding to our family, on our wedding day for God's sake! More and more I see young couples get married, start a family right away, and then the parents seem to lose touch with each other. They're sleep deprived, broke, and committed to this tiny little being who controls their every move and thought, and then communication begins to break down. It's a proven statistic that women, particularly, feel less connected to their partner when a child comes along (for various reasons), and if that bond with their other half wasn't strong to begin with, it has even less of a chance of holding strong through the trials and tribulations of parenthood.

So, The Hubster and I usually respond with something along the lines of "Oh, we're just enjoying each other right now..." or "We want to be selfish and sleep in on the weekends, so maybe once we get over that" or, my favorite (most often said by The Hubster) "We have dogs, they're just like kids!" That one usually delivers an incredulous look from the person asking, who then stutters and stammers in recovery, trying to muster up a defense as to why dogs aren't the same as children. It's actually quite entertaining!

Lately though, I have been having The Baby Fever. Yes, it's an actual condition where one has a temporary lapse in sanity and considers, for just a moment, getting pregnant RIGHT NOW. It seems like everything I see/read has "Baby!" splashed across it one way or another, so this Baby Fever is kinda hard to avoid. Cute little fall baby outfits line the shelves at any department store you enter and make it hard to stay focused on what you were in there for in the first place. And those soft, snuggly receiving blankets? Don't even get me started on those!

But what really gets me are the pregnant women. They're everywhere! You can tell that we had a really cold winter because here in Portland, OR the pregnant women are out in full force, waddling their cute little prego selves up and down the mall corridors, undoubtedly willing labor to happen at any moment. The reason I have such a difficult time seeing these pregos in all their baby belly glory is... I find pregnant women beautiful. Mysterious. Glowy.

And I'm JEALOUS.

I want to rub my swollen belly affectionately, without even realizing I'm doing so.
I want to feel the baby kick inside me, and actually KNOW what it feels like instead of having to imagine what it's like.
I want to wear cute prego clothes that show off the baby bump, and not those big, flowy mumus you see some pregos wearing.
I want sleepless nights and late night snuggle sessions with our child.
I want that connection that a child only has with his mama.

I want a baby.

Thank God I have the ability to understand that now is not the time for a child for us, but someday it WILL be the right time and I can't wait for that day.

Until then, the Snooze Button will be getting the beating of it's life.

Moments of Peace

These past few weeks have been so many different things for us. We've been going through the process of buying our first home, and I'm still failing to see any order or sense in all that we're doing, but it must be done (says the almighty giver of the loans). It's pretty much a big game of "Hurry Up and Wait". Joy. Aside from all of that, we've had some really great days too, some that I will always look back on and smile, remembering how I felt at that EXACT moment.

Do you ever have those moments? You know, when you want to bottle up whatever emotion it is that you're feeling at that moment, and keep it close by just so you can feel it again and again?

Over the weekend of the 4th we went camping. Well, sort of. The Hubster would call it "Sleeping in a parking lot", and did several times during the trip. We "camped" at this little tiny RV park on Silver Lake, near Mt. St. Helens. It was literally like a parking lot, and our spot was right next to the busy (read: noisy) road. And even though it was hot out, and the park was right on the lake, we didn't go swimming. Why, you ask? Because the water was GREEN. Not like a pretty green, like pea soup green. Put your feet in the water and you can't see them because the water is GREEN. But, in spite of all that we had fun! Sure, the mosquitoes were out in full force and we all got eaten alive, but this quaint little park had some stuff going on - Their fireworks display was awesome! It lasted for at least 45 minutes and wasn't tiny to say the least. And they had a paddle boat contest throughout the day on the 4th, so 4 of the guys from our group raced. My brother and his friend made it to a 2nd heat... Where they were promptly beaten by two little boys and two middle aged women! Hahaha... Amazing. I think The Bestie might have gotten it on tape, now that I think about it...

But that moment, that one particular feeling that still sits with me today, happened after we'd packed up all the food, torn down the tent, said goodbye to our friends and family, and packed up the car, dogs and all.

The Hubster's aunt has some property up in the area we were camping in, so we decided to drive up there to let the dogs run around off leash before we headed back to the city. Along the way we stopped at the beginning of the logging road to let Chubbs have a run along side the car.

Here's Chubbs:

So distinguished :)

Now, The Hubster has done this several times with Chubbs, but I've never seen it before. We had one VERY excited dog on our hands! And he totally knew it was coming. As soon as we turned onto the logging road he started pacing the back seat, whimpering to be let out. So out he goes and Zoom! He's off, tearing down the dirt road, a cloud of dust billowing out behind him. Immediately we're off, keeping up with our beloved pooch. And let me tell you, that 10 year old dog of ours can run! We were going about 15 mph and at one point he lost us around a corner (sneaky bugger, tried to take a foot bridge), but a quick honk of the horn brought him running back to us. At this point, Chloe is FREAKING out in the car, so we decided to let her run too.

Have you met Chloe yet?

Cute, isn't she? :)

This is them together, just for fun:

So out goes Chloe and Poof! She's flying down the road in Chubbs' dust filled wake. Oh how I wish I could have seen her face, but I didn't need to. Her body language told me plenty. She wasn't just running down the road, she was LEAPING! Soaring! Sprinting! She kept up with that big dog who's legs are at least 5 times the length of hers, and she was happy. Free. With each leap, I could hear her thoughts... "Freedom!" "No leash!" "Dirt!" "Birds!" "Freedom!" NO LEASH!" "I'm running!"

It was hilarious.

We made it to the end of the logging road, about a half a mile, where we stopped to give the dogs some water and enjoy being under the canopy of pine trees.

And that's when I saw their faces.

The look they both shared was one of pure Joy.

Contentment.

Fulfillment.

Peace.

I wanted to freeze time right then and there. I took mental snapshots of their faces (camera was packed, where?), determined to remember the moment exactly as it happened. Exactly as it felt. There I was in the middle of nature, with the love of my life and our "kids", and I don't think I could have felt more Joy.

Contentment.

Fulfillment.

Peace.

Remembering those little moments have helped me get through the times when I just wanted to toss in the towel with this whole house thing. The times when I am frustrated with my job, or life in general.

Find those moments in your life, and live to make more of them.

*Oof*

That was the sound of the rug being pulled out from under me. Totally caught me by surprise, and I didn't handle it as gracefully as I could have, but it happened.

One decision, two options. Which one to go with?

Follow my heart? That's tough when your heart is telling you to do two different things. Two things that I want more than anything.

Follow my head? What my head is telling me to do, I don't want to do, in my heart of hearts. Ironic, huh?

I guess only time will tell what is supposed to be.

Limbo

No, I'm not referring to the fun party game where the question of the night is "How low can you go?". Webster's explains it well as "a place or state of restraint or confinement" and "an intermediate or transitional place or state". In Layman's terms... I feel stuck. Not with life in general, but in certain areas I feel stagnant, unmotivated, and incapable.

We want to move. We want to move BADLY. To a house. With a yard. Fenced, please. And more than one bathroom. In Vancouver. We have the money and means to move, with one exception. In order for us to move to Vancouver, Kjell needs to find a job there. Commuting just isn't an option for him since his truck guzzles gas. So finding a job is proving to be more difficult than either of us thought it would be seeing as how there aren't ANY jobs out there, let alone any that pay well. So now we're kind of... stagnant I guess. We can't really DO anything to move in that direction until we find him a job. *Sigh*

I'm also struggling with my body and workout. There are areas of my body that just don't seem to be changing no matter what I do. I want my legs to be lean and toned. I want my booty to be firm and cute. I want to get rid of that little layer of fat on my lower belly. I want all the hard work that I'm putting into eating right and exercising to SHOW! I don't think I'm asking too much, but maybe I am? Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of how far I've come... almost 60 lbs lost from my heaviest weight... but I'm not completely happy. Yet. Maybe I need to find more motivation to step up those workouts... but how?

On the positive side of things...

I love my husband, he's wonderful! He understands me and loves me unconditionally, despite all my quirks and flaws, which just makes me love him more. He is my cheerleader and spokesperson to everyone he comes across. He's like a good bra... supportive in all the right areas of my life. I couldn't imagine how chaotic my life would be without him in it. We have two amazing, albeit psychotic, dogs who keep us on our toes and constantly provide us with laughter and smiles. Our apartment is cute and it's our cozy little home, and I'm thankful we have that.

I'm so happy with all of my friends, new and old! I've met an amazing group of people this past year, and I'm fortunate enough to attend a studio and be a part of an amazing hip hop company that encompasses many of them. Life in Portland just wouldn't be the same without those people making appearances throughout the weeks of my life.

Life is good right now, I just wish I didn't feel so stuck sometimes. I wish the "limbo" I'm experiencing now involved Caribbean music, sandy beaches and yummy cocktails. And hunky men in grass skirts. :)