On my biological clock, that is.
Ever since The Hubster and I have been married we've had to tolerate people (mainly my mother) asking us The Big Question.
"When are you going to have a baby?"
Our response will change from time to time depending on our moods, or how many times we've been asked that question in the past week. At one point I actually started counting the number of times I was asked in a week, and lost interest (read: became annoyed) when Wednesday came and the number was well over ten.
The Hubster and I didn't get married just so we could have children, and I think what bothers us the most is that we haven't been married that long. Just over a year, actually. We were being asked, nay grilled, about when we'd be adding to our family, on our wedding day for God's sake! More and more I see young couples get married, start a family right away, and then the parents seem to lose touch with each other. They're sleep deprived, broke, and committed to this tiny little being who controls their every move and thought, and then communication begins to break down. It's a proven statistic that women, particularly, feel less connected to their partner when a child comes along (for various reasons), and if that bond with their other half wasn't strong to begin with, it has even less of a chance of holding strong through the trials and tribulations of parenthood.
So, The Hubster and I usually respond with something along the lines of "Oh, we're just enjoying each other right now..." or "We want to be selfish and sleep in on the weekends, so maybe once we get over that" or, my favorite (most often said by The Hubster) "We have dogs, they're just like kids!" That one usually delivers an incredulous look from the person asking, who then stutters and stammers in recovery, trying to muster up a defense as to why dogs aren't the same as children. It's actually quite entertaining!
Lately though, I have been having The Baby Fever. Yes, it's an actual condition where one has a temporary lapse in sanity and considers, for just a moment, getting pregnant RIGHT NOW. It seems like everything I see/read has "Baby!" splashed across it one way or another, so this Baby Fever is kinda hard to avoid. Cute little fall baby outfits line the shelves at any department store you enter and make it hard to stay focused on what you were in there for in the first place. And those soft, snuggly receiving blankets? Don't even get me started on those!
But what really gets me are the pregnant women. They're everywhere! You can tell that we had a really cold winter because here in Portland, OR the pregnant women are out in full force, waddling their cute little prego selves up and down the mall corridors, undoubtedly willing labor to happen at any moment. The reason I have such a difficult time seeing these pregos in all their baby belly glory is... I find pregnant women beautiful. Mysterious. Glowy.
And I'm JEALOUS.
I want to rub my swollen belly affectionately, without even realizing I'm doing so.
I want to feel the baby kick inside me, and actually KNOW what it feels like instead of having to imagine what it's like.
I want to wear cute prego clothes that show off the baby bump, and not those big, flowy mumus you see some pregos wearing.
I want sleepless nights and late night snuggle sessions with our child.
I want that connection that a child only has with his mama.
I want a baby.
Thank God I have the ability to understand that now is not the time for a child for us, but someday it WILL be the right time and I can't wait for that day.
Until then, the Snooze Button will be getting the beating of it's life.